Strangetalk

by **daoist** » Sep 12 2008 12:20:34 am

so at what point do you decide to settle?

thinking it through, the idea of settling for a situation you don't want because you can't get the one you want, i think it'd lead to resentment. how do you deal with that?

Or am i wrong? Would that not be 'settling'? Do you have to actually change what you want in order for it to be settling? If so, how do you do that? I understand having second-order desires, but you can't simply will yourself to like things you don't like, or not mind things that drive you crazy. Or can you?

by **gonzo** » Sep 12 2008 12:52:13 am

you're babbling.

by **PaulMuaDib** » Sep 12 2008 01:00:39 am

seriously, make more sense.

in an attempt to answer your ramblings: settling is for chumps. figure out what you want, and more importantly who you are. find someone you have some (but not too many) common interests with and do that. i'm sure i made as much sense as you did.

by **Robert Paulson** » Sep 12 2008 07:18:54 am

i would suggest to stop being such a bitch.

by **jen** » Sep 12 2008 09:51:49 am

If you settle, you will end up making 2 + (if you have children) people miserable instead of just yourself. I think it would be very selfish to "settle" unless the other person knows you are doing so.

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 12 2008 11:11:00 am

Everyone settles. Everyone.

by **Talenos** » Sep 12 2008 11:20:16 am

apparently you already have?

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 12 2008 11:38:11 am

Am I part of everyone?

by **Dr. Faustus** » Sep 12 2008 07:36:05 pm

Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:Everyone settles. Everyone.

I agree completely. No situation is ever ideal. It's all about making the best with what you have.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 12 2008 07:56:43 pm

Dr. Faustus wrote:
Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:Everyone settles. Everyone.

I agree completely. No situation is ever ideal. It's all about making the best with what you have.

oh yeah, you two totally have the world figured out. like toooootallllllly for sure.

by **Dr. Faustus** » Sep 12 2008 09:38:47 pm

Heh....I'd think stating that no relationship is perfect would be an obvious fact, but apparently not.

by **grandpoohbah19** » Sep 12 2008 10:15:33 pm

I agree that everyone settles to a certain extent. Everyone wants something perfect but eventually you either find someone you'll love despite they things they dont have (or do) or you'll end up alone. Anyone who tells you they've gotten everything they've ever wanted is completely full of shit. When they say that they are failing to see the little things they've overlooked because they care so much about the persons other qualities that they've decided to "settle" with them.

There are extremes at either end. Some people though get too fixated on certain things (or certain people) or they have a ridiculous idea of what they "deserve" that they'll wait forever passing up good opportunities at happiness along the way holding out for the perfect person who doesnt exist. Some people will take the first thing that comes along and continue to stay in an unhappy relationship because it's "familiar" or they dont want to be alone. I'm not saying I'm a life expert or anything, but I know a lot of each of those people and I dont think thats something to shoot for.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 12 2008 10:28:16 pm

Dr. Faustus wrote:Heh....I'd think stating that no relationship is perfect would be an obvious fact, but apparently not.

"Everyone Settles"

disagreeing with that stupid statement is not the same as saying that you're going to find the perfect person. it means that settling is going with "good-enough" as opposed to the person who really sticks out in your mind, numbnuts.

by **daoist** » Sep 12 2008 10:50:57 pm

I suppose in the context of the current discussion you can frame my initial discussion within the concept of settling "too much"

Say, dating someone you're not attracted to at all. Or someone who's pretty dumb, etc.

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 12 2008 11:46:15 pm

DunMiff/sys wrote:
Dr. Faustus wrote:Heh....I'd think stating that no relationship is perfect would be an obvious fact, but apparently not.

"Everyone Settles"

disagreeing with that stupid statement is not the same as saying that you're going to find the perfect person. it means that settling is going with "good-enough" as opposed to the person who really sticks out in your mind, numbnuts.

What a bullshit definition. So not settling is ending up with your infatuation? You talk like someone who's never had anything but infatuations.

by **LucasPukus** » Sep 12 2008 11:53:15 pm

It's not worth it to date someone that's can't hold a normal conversation with you. You can hang out and go to games with them, but it's stupid to try to date them. You'd just be in agony the entire time.
Unattractiveness....I guess if they're dumb and unattractive, it's also not worth your time. Unattractive and fun, go for it. After awhile you won't realize that they're unattractive at all. Physical beauty is truly worthless in most long term relationships.

by **nippletwister** » Sep 13 2008 12:25:22 am

LucasPukus wrote:It's not worth it to date someone that's can't hold a normal conversation with you.

Fucking classic.

by **LucasPukus** » Sep 13 2008 01:10:53 am

Heh. Apostrophe galore. My favorite is scene vs. seen in career corner right now.

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 13 2008 02:12:07 am

You mean the semantics argument where you said the US isn't an english speaking country? Do you really want to drag that over here?

by **LucasPukus** » Sep 13 2008 02:19:02 am

Well, you did. You seem terribly lonely. Did your friends leave you alone again on a Friday night?

by **Dr. Faustus** » Sep 13 2008 07:57:50 am

I'll admit I was nice and drunk and a little lonely when I made my responses. Now I'm hungover and awake because my neighbors started redoing the concrete in their garage at 8:30.

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 13 2008 12:31:29 pm

LucasPukus wrote:Well, you did. You seem terribly lonely. Did your friends leave you alone again on a Friday night?

Do you really want to make this personal, Rikki? I don't think NPR talks about me enough for you to have much to say.

by **LucasPukus** » Sep 13 2008 02:18:55 pm

It's not like you're doing anything that other people haven't tried before. You'll get tired of it eventually, I'm sure. Soon you'll grow up and realize that. Until then, carry on. Yes, I listen to NPR. And I read the newspaper everyday and on the first weekend of every month, I try to get to the local art galleries. I work in investment banking and volunteer occasionally on weekends. I also am on the board of a local non-profit. Our monthly meeting is Tuesday night at 7 and we have various meetings throughout the week. The next one is tomorrow at my house. I'm serving peach cobbler and brewing some coffee. I have a dog, named Nitro, and I live in Missouri. My parents live in Iowa, my cheerleader sister is 15 and my brother just turned 18. He's driving a nice new car that he paid for himself, which is his pride and joy. On the weekends, my family takes the boat to Saylorville lake. Maybe you can meet my grandfather and his girlfriend some time when you're in Des Moines. He's dating a new woman since my grandmother died 2 years ago. She's buried in the masonic section of the cemetary on 2nd avenue, if you ever want to visit. They spend their weekends at the apple orchard and going to various reunions for people their age. They've also been spending a lot of time at the hospital because my uncle's quite ill. If there's anything else about me or my family or friends that you want to mock, go ahead. You're not revolutionary and you're not accomplishing anything by doing it.

by **Pink Cheeze** » Sep 13 2008 09:00:26 pm

Settling will eventually lead to resentment.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 14 2008 06:01:29 pm

Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:
DunMiff/sys wrote:
Dr. Faustus wrote:Heh....I'd think stating that no relationship is perfect would be an obvious fact, but apparently not.

"Everyone Settles"

disagreeing with that stupid statement is not the same as saying that you're going to find the perfect person. it means that settling is going with "good-enough" as opposed to the person who really sticks out in your mind, numbnuts.

What a bullshit definition. So not settling is ending up with your infatuation? You talk like someone who's never had anything but infatuations.

for a girl, you sure think you know how a guy's mind works.

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 14 2008 06:38:14 pm

DunMiff/sys wrote:
Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:
DunMiff/sys wrote:
Dr. Faustus wrote:Heh....I'd think stating that no relationship is perfect would be an obvious fact, but apparently not.

"Everyone Settles"

disagreeing with that stupid statement is not the same as saying that you're going to find the perfect person. it means that settling is going with "good-enough" as opposed to the person who really sticks out in your mind, numbnuts.

What a bullshit definition. So not settling is ending up with your infatuation? You talk like someone who's never had anything but infatuations.

for a girl, you sure think you know how a guy's mind works.

Is that a long hair joke or are you really that stupid?

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 14 2008 08:10:10 pm

Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:
DunMiff/sys wrote:
Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:
DunMiff/sys wrote:
Dr. Faustus wrote:Heh....I'd think stating that no relationship is perfect would be an obvious fact, but apparently not.

"Everyone Settles"

disagreeing with that stupid statement is not the same as saying that you're going to find the perfect person. it means that settling is going with "good-enough" as opposed to the person who really sticks out in your mind, numbnuts.

What a bullshit definition. So not settling is ending up with your infatuation? You talk like someone who's never had anything but infatuations.

for a girl, you sure think you know how a guy's mind works.

Is that a long hair joke or are you really that stupid?

what that girls think they know how guys' minds work? i'm sure quite a few of them, too as quite a few of us know how their minds work (for the most part).

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 14 2008 09:05:17 pm

I'm a guy

by **Charlie Foxtrot** » Sep 14 2008 09:27:36 pm

daoist wrote:I suppose in the context of the current discussion you can frame my initial discussion within the concept of settling "too much"

Say, dating someone you're not attracted to at all. Or someone who's pretty dumb, etc.

Well, if you frame the context like this, we're always settling.

My first long-term girlfriend was hot, smart and bitchy. After we broke up, she got fat, so she was only smart and bitchy (actually, she got more bitchy).

My second was hot, dumb and naive. She's still hot, dumb and naive, but she's actually dumber, and not quite as hot. She has great tits and is pretty outgoing, though. But the things that come out of her mouth make you want to punch her in the adams apple.

My current girlfriend is hot, smart, and shy. She doesn't like doing things with other people, or meeting my friends from work, etc.

So in any case, I'd be settling, but I'm glad I'm settling for this one.

by **daoist** » Sep 14 2008 10:25:59 pm

A recent dating experience this weekend has taught me that my worries were silly. There's no way in hell I could ever settle to the point I had described. Ugh. No way.

by **Turbo** » Sep 14 2008 10:28:45 pm

Hey, at least she liked Burger King

by **LucasPukus** » Sep 14 2008 10:55:01 pm

Did you pay for her whopper?

by **daoist** » Sep 14 2008 10:59:34 pm

Double whopper combo. Large sized. AND cheese tots.

by **Talenos** » Sep 15 2008 12:04:59 am

blasphemy daoist would never go to BK over McDonald's.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 15 2008 09:49:39 am

Mr. Bloodthirsty wrote:I'm a guy

couldn't tell by the way you type cos you're such a bitch.

sucker.

by **Mr. Bloodthirsty** » Sep 15 2008 09:55:29 am

Hey, I'm not the one waiting for my knight in shining armor to carry me off into the sunset.

by **Hi, I'm High Maintenance** » Sep 15 2008 10:32:35 am

I don't think I've ever started to date anyone that I would consider myself to be "settling" for. I only initiate dating/a relationship if the person seems like a genuine possibility for (semi)long-term whatever. With only maybe 1 notable exception of a "rebound" relationship.

by **Uncle Sherm** » Sep 15 2008 02:25:18 pm

When it comes to settling, don't take advice from people that got married in college or are still under the age of 25. If you are still single at 30, it isn't the end of the world.

by **parsnips** » Sep 15 2008 04:03:38 pm

Yes, there is still plenty of time to strike it rich and marry the 21 year old hottie at the age of 39.

NEVER SETTLE!

by **daoist** » Sep 15 2008 04:15:53 pm

Talenos wrote:blasphemy daoist would never go to BK over McDonald's.

BK tastes even better because it's forbidden fruit.

by **Turbo** » Sep 15 2008 05:29:52 pm

Or because BK is way better anyway

by **John Ford** » Sep 15 2008 06:49:13 pm

b-bops beats the shit out of both, anyway. though i must admit, when i'm working 3rd shift, i often grab breakfast from a BK drive-through on the way home.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 15 2008 07:07:17 pm

and Sonic is better than B-Bops, Mcdonalds and Burger King.

by **Hi, I'm High Maintenance** » Sep 15 2008 07:16:51 pm

and i am better than all of you.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 15 2008 07:24:36 pm

Hi, I'm High Maintenance wrote:and i am better than all of you.

you don't produce the world's most awesome chili dog things.

shenanigans.

by **nippletwister** » Sep 15 2008 07:58:33 pm

The girl I live with now is incredible. There are always tiny nagging irritances, but if anything, she settled for me. I did not settle with this girl.

by **daoist** » Sep 15 2008 08:05:39 pm

So this big moosey girl has been sending me mean IMs for the past couple of days now. It's very funny.

by **nippletwister** » Sep 15 2008 08:12:15 pm

Is that what this is all about?

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 15 2008 08:25:30 pm

what the hell is a moosey girl?

by **daoist** » Sep 15 2008 08:30:12 pm

Nah, After I posted this thread I decided to test my ideas via agreeing to a date with a girl who I figured was too big for me to be attracted to her.

So here's how it went down:

Friday night I got drunk and was chilling at home. A girl on OKC started sending me messages. This one:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ColoradoMtn79

So I decided to reply. We talked a bit and She was ok. She wasn't that smart; she didn't get my jokes. She had no real life ambition (having recently been fired from walmart and now working at Old Chicago). And, finally, was a bit too big for me to be attracted to.

So I asked what food she liked. She likes "american". So burgers and fries. So I'm trying to think of a burgers and fries place that is nice enough for a date. Wallaby's? Nah, she doesn't like that. Okoboji Grill? Nah, she doesn't like that. Applebees? Nope. So I finally ask her to name something.

B-bops. Well, since it was raining cats and dogs on friday and b-bops doesn't have a dining room, I suggested that might be a bad idea for saturday lunch, in case it's still raining. 'Oh', she says.

Her next choice was Burger King. Okay, if she insists, BK it is.

So sunday rolls around and I pick her up. She wanted me to pick her up because she can't afford a car. I didn't mind because I prefer driving on dates because the car helps. We went to BK making smalltalk. So I pay for our meal. She orders first.

Double whopper w/ cheese combo. Large sized. Cheesy tots. The big order.

Well shit, there went my plan of getting a couple little things from the dollar menu and cutting it short. So we talked for a while. She wanted to hang out more. I wasn't feeling anything at all. I had an appointment to fix a computer in des moines at 5:30, but I lied and said it was at 3pm so I couldn't hang out. She wanted to have breakfast on sunday but I had to leave for tulsa.

I didn't call her back saturday night. And honestly, even if the date went super well I don't think I'd call back the same day. She IMed/txted/called me a few times saturday and sunday.

Conversation with This girl at Sat 13 Sep 2008 07:19:59 PM CDT on babystomper34 (aim)
(07:19:59 PM) This girl: hey
(07:19:59 PM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: bam, CCs paid off.
(07:21:21 PM) babystomper34: hi
(07:21:36 PM) This girl: how r u
(07:21:47 PM) babystomper34: i'm ok. at a client's fixing his computer
(07:22:04 PM) This girl: oh ok thought u were home
(07:22:20 PM) babystomper34: might be home within the hour
(07:23:07 PM) This girl: sweet..is there anything u were thinking today but didnt tell me
(07:23:42 PM) This girl: just somethin to think about till u get home
(09:55:40 PM) This girl: hey u home yet?
(09:55:40 PM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: bam, CCs paid off.
(12:19:18 AM) This girl: wish we could have talked tonight
(12:19:18 AM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: bam, CCs paid off.

And then:

Conversation with This girl at Sun 14 Sep 2008 11:50:13 AM CDT on babystomper34 (aim)
(11:50:13 AM) This girl: What happened about going to TULSA for business on a Sunday? which i raise the bullshit flag for because business is rarely done on a sunday...also you being almost 29, thought u would be more mature and not lie to me and ignore me instead of telling me whats up. good luck cuz u wont get any women the way youre doing it now
(11:50:13 AM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: waiting for a damn computer to finish a sp3 update, then to dsm.
(09:55:41 PM) babystomper34: We don't have anything in common, and I didn't really feel anything on our date. It's best if we go our separate ways. Sorry to take so long to reply, I didn't want to upset you too much, but it seems I have. I wish you luck in the future. I have to get to bed now, the conference starts at 7am, which is why i'm in Tulsa.

Conversation with This girl at Mon 15 Sep 2008 02:45:06 AM CDT on babystomper34 (aim)
(02:45:06 AM) This girl: Keith, we were out for an hour and ate lunch...thats a lame excuse to say you didnt feel anything...we were out for an Hour. Anyway if u thought we didnt have anything in common, thats your call. Maybe next time its better to tell me we'll "talk tonight" and then say "i'll be home in an hour" and then never show up or talk or call me. Its better to let me know right away rather than just keep on ignoring me. At 29 it would seem like u would have mastered these skills but you havent. it doesnt matter tho cuz ive got a few other local guys im thinking about which one I want to date, and I've been talking to some guys out of state too. Honestly BK was a joke, and with all the money you have u could have treated me better. i hope you feel good about being such an Iowa Dick.just like most of em :-) I definitely dont need you, I know I can get much better and have found better lately anyway
(02:45:06 AM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: safely arrived in Tulsa. Let the boredom commense
(02:47:32 AM) This girl: too bad most girls want a tall man....i thought it was an oompa loompa walking up to my door...i almost ran the other direction,
(02:47:58 AM) This girl: God forgive me :-) this is good tho

Conversation with This girl at Mon 15 Sep 2008 08:25:48 AM CDT on babystomper34 (aim)
(08:25:48 AM) This girl: u deserved it
(08:25:48 AM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: biscuits & gravy & crazy IMs for breakfast. Wooooo
(11:55:54 AM) This girl: everytime i read your away msg, ur eating, do u eat all the time?
(11:55:54 AM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: ribs for lunch!

Conversation with This girl at Mon 15 Sep 2008 06:42:44 PM CDT on babystomper34 (aim)
(06:42:44 PM) This girl: muhahaha oompa loompa is eating again holy cow sweet jesus
(06:42:44 PM) babystomper34 <AUTO-REPLY>: and a fancy steak for dinner!
(06:43:27 PM) This girl: u are probly the least humble of anyone...just so u can fix ur profile....bragging about EVERYTHING
(07:59:14 PM) babystomper34: Please don't message me anymore.
(07:59:19 PM) This girl <AUTO-REPLY>: I am away from my computer right now.

Now, I know what you're saying. But you have to trust me. Aside from what you see here, I have not replied to this girl whatsoever. This is all her crazy hanging out on the breeze.

Also note that she's making fun of eating all the time. Now, please note the times she IMed me about eating. They correspond approximately to breakfast, lunch, and dinnertime. :roll:

But I'm not going to reply. I know I'm a catch, so she's bent out of shape over this. Losing such a fine guy as me. Don't want to rub it in.

by **daoist** » Sep 15 2008 08:34:35 pm

So anyhow, that's how I learned that my questions about settling are, at least in my case, impossible.

by **Talenos** » Sep 15 2008 08:36:35 pm

I thought you of all people would be above the "too big to date" kind of thing.

by **daoist** » Sep 15 2008 08:39:05 pm

What do you mean by being above it? I'm just not attracted to big women. It is what it is.

It's a perfectly valid reason to turn down dates. I know being a big guy my dating pool is going to be smaller because only a subset of women want to date a big guy. Getting angry won't make them change what they're attracted to.

by **Dr. Faustus** » Sep 15 2008 08:40:27 pm

Fuck that. if a girl's food preference is a fast food burger joint she's out of the running straight from the jump. I'm kind of a food snob, but most of you knew that already.

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 15 2008 08:40:57 pm

Talenos wrote:I thought you of all people would be above the "too big to date" kind of thing.

it takes a big man to rise above that. maybe he's not big enough?

by **DunMiff/sys** » Sep 15 2008 08:42:51 pm

Dr. Faustus wrote:Fuck that. if a girl's food preference is a fast food burger joint she's out of the running straight from the jump. I'm kind of a food snob, but most of you knew that already.

ah yes. you and your faux sophistication.

burgers are awesome. learn to live with it.

by **Dragmire** » Sep 15 2008 08:46:27 pm

DunMiff/sys wrote:
Dr. Faustus wrote:Fuck that. if a girl's food preference is a fast food burger joint she's out of the running straight from the jump. I'm kind of a food snob, but most of you knew that already.

ah yes. you and your faux sophistication.

burgers are awesome. learn to live with it.

B-Bops is fast food, but they have damn tasty burgers. It is entirely possible to make a tasty burger quickly.

by **daoist** » Sep 15 2008 08:47:19 pm

But we can agree, can't we, that fast food isn't really proper first date food, right?

by **Dragmire** » Sep 15 2008 08:47:30 pm

I look forward to more messages from our newly discovered friend. Please continue posting as they come keith.

by **Dragmire** » Sep 15 2008 08:48:06 pm

daoist wrote:But we can agree, can't we, that fast food isn't really proper first date food, right?

thats an affirmative. not enough time to just chat.

by **Dr. Faustus** » Sep 15 2008 08:48:20 pm

DunMiff/sys wrote:
Dr. Faustus wrote:Fuck that. if a girl's food preference is a fast food burger joint she's out of the running straight from the jump. I'm kind of a food snob, but most of you knew that already.

ah yes. you and your faux sophistication.

burgers are awesome. learn to live with it.

I love a good burger, but when it comes from the right place. There are diners in every city that actually cook their burgers...sometimes not even on a grill. But anything beats that half ass cooking method they do in fast food. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good diner. Choosing fast food when you could pick anything shows a complete and utter lack of taste, and no interest in anything culinary. That pretty much puts you at odds with me from the start.

edit: Not to mention the atmosphere, those wooden booths are about the opposite of romantic.

by **TheLastUnicorn** » Sep 15 2008 08:55:16 pm

Hahahahahahaha. Keith, I'm studying for a Cardiology test so I'm trying to stay off of here, but Kyle was telling me all about this. I got all snippy and was going to respond as such...and then I read the IM's. Sweet Jesus, what a crazy bitch.

by **LucasPukus** » Sep 15 2008 08:56:13 pm

Applebees....what/?

by **John Ford** » Sep 15 2008 08:56:30 pm

yeah, seriously. fast food for a first date? what's the second date? porking on the futon in her rented doublewide?

my favorite line:

it doesnt matter tho cuz ive got a few other local guys im thinking about which one I want to date, and I've been talking to some guys out of state too.

she's just waitin' for them to get outta the slammer.

anyway, letting the girl pick the restaurant when you're going out on a date is lame. it kind of makes you look like a suckup. if you do unwittingly pick a place she doesn't particularly like and she has the nerve to bitch about her free meal, then you know for damn sure she's not worth a second date.

by **alex** » Sep 15 2008 08:58:19 pm

TheLastUnicorn wrote:Sweet Jesus, what a crazy bitch.

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