Strangetalk

by **12345** » Jan 08 2009 10:19:10 am

my co-worker and past college friend is due to have her baby on monday, so basically any day now it could come. since we have been friends for about 5 years (she liked me in college and asked to go out several times, even though she was engaged...i never did.)and we can say anything to each other , she felt that i was the one in the office to take her to the hospital if the baby decided to come at work. i said ok, but there was no way in hell i would be in the delivery room with you in the chance i might catch a glimpse of your snatch and the thing coming out. (word for word). she said understandable, but then asked if Mike (her husband) wasnt there yet, if i would at least be able to stand at her side doing the hold hand thing. i said i guess.
i hope to god this thing doesnt come while she is at work. i think i only have to making it throught today and tommorrow half a day (we close at 12). i think on monday they might induce it if it doesnt come over the weekend.
anyone experience anything like this? i am no where near ready to experience a birth, especailly if it isnt even my own wife, or at least my kid (that i know of) :cautious:

by **Epaminondas** » Jan 08 2009 10:23:33 am

You got yerself in a sticky situation son.

And I never understood why people, especially men, get so queesy around childbirth.

by **LucasPukus** » Jan 08 2009 10:53:18 am

It's pretty safe to say that she still has a big crush on you. I would drive her to the hospital, help her check-in and then sit in the waiting room, citing fear of needles. I drove my coworker in to have a baby once and I was pretty freaked out, but I think that was several years ago.

by **Epaminondas** » Jan 08 2009 11:40:07 am

Why do babies freak people out

by **WrenchHead** » Jan 08 2009 12:12:44 pm

As a ladder theory believer, I don't pal around with women who aren't my wife. It just leads to hand-holding during the delivery of someone elses' child.

by **12345** » Jan 08 2009 12:13:14 pm

i find human babies to be ugly until they get slightly older. like 1 year and up. but then again ive never been drawn to babies either. im sure it will be much different when its my own.

by **12345** » Jan 08 2009 12:15:02 pm

WrenchHead wrote:As a ladder theory believer, I don't pal around with women who aren't my wife. It just leads to hand-holding during the delivery of someone elses' child.

you are the type of person i can see not 'paling around' with anyone....at all.......ever.

by **PaulMuaDib** » Jan 08 2009 12:22:55 pm

all babies look like winston churchill. bald, scowling, chubby. seriously, give them a cigar, a martini, and a top hat, BAM churchill.

by **WrenchHead** » Jan 08 2009 12:23:13 pm

Wah?? I'm so jovial it almost kills me.

by **Zeppelin** » Jan 08 2009 12:31:53 pm

I would say you have nothing to worry about. Not always, but most of the time the birth of the first child takes a long time once labor starts. The odds of you driving her to the hospital and going straight into holding her hand while she has to push is very slim. My daughters birth was considered fast for a first child and it still took 3.5 hours.

I stood by my wife's side and held her hand, the nurses did most of the "breathe/push" coaching. I saw everything, and while it was amazing it was equally disgusting, but that is because of the blood. If you get queesy at the site of blood, you probably won't like watching child birth. I'm okay with blood but I hate needles. I couldn't watch my wife get the epideral.

by **THW** » Jan 08 2009 02:05:24 pm

I would tell her I'd take her to the hospital if she went into labor at work but I wouldn't do any of her husband's duties beyond that point. "Holding her hand" doesn't increase her chance of a successful birth.

by **12345** » Jan 08 2009 02:18:13 pm

i hold her i wont be in the room. she could understand. Her husband actually works a little closer to the hospital then our office is anyway, so chances are he would beat us there.
oh and i told her we would take her car b/c i wouldnt have anything leaking out of her onto my seats.

by **alex** » Jan 08 2009 03:03:07 pm

two points.

by **Epaminondas** » Jan 08 2009 03:09:20 pm

Lizer wrote:I would tell her I'd take her to the hospital if she went into labor at work but I wouldn't do any of her husband's duties beyond that point. "Holding her hand" doesn't increase her chance of a successful birth.

I'd put the chains on it and crank it out if it was stuck for her.

by **Cueman** » Jan 09 2009 12:36:15 am

12345 wrote:i find human babies to be ugly until they get slightly older. like 1 year and up. but then again ive never been drawn to babies either. im sure it will be much different when its my own.

Babies are cute, but only if they are Asian or Black. Then they become progressively less attractive after the age of 5.

If I were you, I would get out my clawz and stab her, and then eat the baby.

by **John Ford** » Jan 09 2009 08:37:14 am

damn babies

by **alex** » Jan 09 2009 08:54:29 am

Cueman wrote:Babies are cute, but only if they are Asian or Black. Then they become progressively less attractive after the age of 5.

and here I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

by **THW** » Jan 10 2009 11:08:18 am

Cueman wrote:
12345 wrote:i find human babies to be ugly until they get slightly older. like 1 year and up. but then again ive never been drawn to babies either. im sure it will be much different when its my own.

Babies are cute, but only if they are Asian or Black. Then they become progressively less attractive after the age of 5.

If I were you, I would get out my clawz and stab her, and then eat the baby.

I'm merely putting "baby sex joke" here now in lieu of what I might originally put, thinking that would reduce the speed at which I'd go to hell.

by **Lars** » Jan 11 2009 10:44:12 pm

Babies are only cute right after a bath, when they don't smell like old milk and used baby food. Then you can give them tummy raspberries and everyone is happy.

by **12345** » Jan 12 2009 08:46:51 am

fewwww, off the hook. she had it last night.

by **12345** » Jan 12 2009 08:47:16 am

Cueman wrote:
12345 wrote:i find human babies to be ugly until they get slightly older. like 1 year and up. but then again ive never been drawn to babies either. im sure it will be much different when its my own.

Babies are cute, but only if they are Asian or Black. Then they become progressively less attractive after the age of 5.

If I were you, I would get out my clawz and stab her, and then eat the baby.

black. reaaaallly?

by **THW** » Jan 12 2009 09:39:06 am

yes really. Black kids are cute. That is until they get to the age of 13 when they learn how to steal shit. Then they all grow up to look the same, do drugs, excel at athletics, and rape our women.

by **Epaminondas** » Jan 12 2009 09:41:42 am

i serioulsy just loled. seriously

by **12345** » Jan 12 2009 10:00:28 am

Lizer wrote:yes really. Black kids are cute. That is until they get to the age of 13 when they learn how to steal shit. Then they all grow up to look the same, do drugs, excel at athletics, and rape our women.

i suppose you are correct. i was watching a show last night that had a little girl <5 witha fro and it did look pretty cute. but then the camera panned over to the father...

by **Nate** » Jan 12 2009 10:03:20 am

Epaminondas wrote:
Lizer wrote:I would tell her I'd take her to the hospital if she went into labor at work but I wouldn't do any of her husband's duties beyond that point. "Holding her hand" doesn't increase her chance of a successful birth.

I'd put the chains on it and crank it out if it was stuck for her.

Human babies don't come hooves first, unfortunately.

by **12345** » Jan 12 2009 10:08:34 am

whats wrong with that method using the neck?

by **Jobu** » Jan 12 2009 10:42:25 am

It makes them look like one of the coneheads.

by **Lars** » Jan 12 2009 06:37:41 pm

Jobu wrote:It makes them look like one of the coneheads.

That's only if you're lucky.

by **Charlie Foxtrot** » Jan 12 2009 06:58:00 pm

I'm afraid if I watch my future wife have a baby the sex will never be the same.

by **Reagraham Lincool** » Jan 13 2009 10:51:07 am

Charlie Foxtrot wrote:I'm afraid if I watch my future wife have a baby the sex will never be the same.

I think that'll pretty much be true whether you watch or not.

by **12345** » Jan 13 2009 03:10:33 pm

who knows. i have a friend who claims, after his kid came, that she tighened up way more.

/edit. and yes, the phrasing of that will remain exactly as is.

by **THW** » Jan 13 2009 05:36:17 pm

i've had sex with two mothers. it felt pretty sweet. Tight is not the term I would use.

by **daoist** » Jan 13 2009 05:37:55 pm

indeed.

by **Zapruder** » Jan 13 2009 05:38:55 pm

Yes, the whole "child blowing out your vagina" thing is a myth.

by **WrenchHead** » Jan 13 2009 05:39:33 pm

Oh, it blows it out. They just sew it back up.

by **Zapruder** » Jan 13 2009 05:40:14 pm

Uhhhhh no

by **WrenchHead** » Jan 13 2009 05:41:45 pm

by **Zapruder** » Jan 13 2009 05:44:18 pm

WrenchHead wrote:

Mountain Dew meet keyboard

by **THW** » Jan 13 2009 05:52:49 pm

cereal meet tummy

by **nippletwister** » Jan 13 2009 09:52:15 pm

Lizer wrote:i've had sex with two mothers. it felt pretty sweet.

At the same time? :awesome:

by **Epaminondas** » Jan 13 2009 09:53:12 pm

Were they mother before or after you had sex with them

by **nippletwister** » Jan 13 2009 09:54:58 pm

Epaminondas wrote:Were they mother before or after you had sex with them

nice.

by **THW** » Jan 13 2009 11:22:46 pm

not at the same time, and before. OMG

by **daoist** » Jan 13 2009 11:58:03 pm

There's videos of births on youtube.

Yep.

by **baby_femme** » Jun 03 2009 08:53:22 pm

So how's it going now? Is the baby cute or not? It doesn't matter as long as it looks human... It'll be fine... My baby looks fine of course, it's my own blood... LOLs

by **nippletwister** » Jun 03 2009 09:01:21 pm

by **Zapruder** » Jun 07 2009 11:56:31 am

nippletwister wrote:LOLs

by **nithos** » Jun 09 2009 06:40:33 am

Zapruder wrote:Uhhhhh no

Uhhhhh yes

Though not everyone tears.

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